Oh Joy!

Once again, I gave a valiant effort in attempting to conquer the GABF[http://www.greatamericanbeerfestival.com/]. If you like beer, good(Oskars) or bad(Coors), this festival is one of the biggest in the country. I did pass on a lot of the crap beers (Shiner, really?) and I began getting picky towards the end, only choosing medal winners. The festival was smoothly run as always considering there are thousands of people trying to sample over 1800 beers. The lines weren't that long unless you were trying to use the restrooms, which I learned several years ago to never use since it can take over 15 minutes to get inside.

TIP: There is a smoking area right outside that has over a hundred Porto-potties which are never full. In order to use them you just need to walk through the haze of smoke, small price to pay for not peeing yourself.

Some improvements from previous years:

1. Strung pretzels on Mardi Gras beads! Yeah, I FINALLY remembered to do this. For the past several years I would see all these people with necklaces of pretzels and think, 'Damn that is a great idea.' but of course I would forget the following year. Not this time, oh no, I had 2 necklaces with big giant pretzels. Of course I lost half of them to drunk people knocking them off, no it wasn't my fault. LOL.

2. Stayed in hotel. Not only didn't I have to drive (hahahaha) but I didn't even have to try to make it home. Of course I do think that this contributed to the amount of beer that I consumed but at least no one else was in any danger from my foolishness. This also caused me to spend a LOT more money even though the hotel room was free. Room service is waaaaaay too convenient...

"How much were the 2 beers?"
"20.36, sir. Including tax."
"WTF? Do I get a lap dance with that?"

3. We got pulled over on the ride back from the festival! Not only was this entertaining but it also offered the potential for more debauchery (notice the use of the term 'more'...however the Man Code demands I keep silent)...yadda, yadda...I did have my souvenir cup confiscated by an overzealous bouncer, bastard.
Anyways, after leaving the festival I was able to hail a cab downtown. I'm pretty sure this is the first time that has ever happened. Usually they are all full or the cabbie decides he might find a richer fare. Well not this time! The cab driver takes the scenic route and is about half-way when the interior of the car is lit up with blue flashes. At first, I feel the familiar panic as the cabbie pulls over but then I realize that neither my friend or I are driving. Woo Hoo! One of Denver's finest walks up to the car and asks the cabbie if he had been drinking. The cabbie denies it (of course) and is taken outside to perform the super-fun roadside sobriety test. At this point, I can't help laughing...

"Of all the cabs we get the drunk one? Damn it. What are we going to do?"
"How about, if he arrests the cabbie we walk to that strip club about a block down the road."
"Oh, that is a great plan."
"Dude we don't have to pay the fare if the cabbie is drunk, right?"
"Naw, they can't make us pay that since I could have drove drunk for free. We can use it for the cover charge and a couple drinks."
"Oh hell yeah!"

Unfortunately the officer walks the cabbie back to the car and says when he pulled him over he smelled a strong odor of alcohol. "Oh Officer that's us!" (I'm a helper!) The officer ignores my statement of fact and lets the cabbie go. Ahhhh...

Anyways, it was a great time and I'm looking forward to next year when I hopefully will remember to wear a costume. Nothing too obnoxious, maybe just a big afro wig (yellow, orange, or red), some clown shoes, and BIGGER pretzels!