Oh Joy!

Once again, I gave a valiant effort in attempting to conquer the GABF[http://www.greatamericanbeerfestival.com/]. If you like beer, good(Oskars) or bad(Coors), this festival is one of the biggest in the country. I did pass on a lot of the crap beers (Shiner, really?) and I began getting picky towards the end, only choosing medal winners. The festival was smoothly run as always considering there are thousands of people trying to sample over 1800 beers. The lines weren't that long unless you were trying to use the restrooms, which I learned several years ago to never use since it can take over 15 minutes to get inside.

TIP: There is a smoking area right outside that has over a hundred Porto-potties which are never full. In order to use them you just need to walk through the haze of smoke, small price to pay for not peeing yourself.

Some improvements from previous years:

1. Strung pretzels on Mardi Gras beads! Yeah, I FINALLY remembered to do this. For the past several years I would see all these people with necklaces of pretzels and think, 'Damn that is a great idea.' but of course I would forget the following year. Not this time, oh no, I had 2 necklaces with big giant pretzels. Of course I lost half of them to drunk people knocking them off, no it wasn't my fault. LOL.

2. Stayed in hotel. Not only didn't I have to drive (hahahaha) but I didn't even have to try to make it home. Of course I do think that this contributed to the amount of beer that I consumed but at least no one else was in any danger from my foolishness. This also caused me to spend a LOT more money even though the hotel room was free. Room service is waaaaaay too convenient...

"How much were the 2 beers?"
"20.36, sir. Including tax."
"WTF? Do I get a lap dance with that?"

3. We got pulled over on the ride back from the festival! Not only was this entertaining but it also offered the potential for more debauchery (notice the use of the term 'more'...however the Man Code demands I keep silent)...yadda, yadda...I did have my souvenir cup confiscated by an overzealous bouncer, bastard.
Anyways, after leaving the festival I was able to hail a cab downtown. I'm pretty sure this is the first time that has ever happened. Usually they are all full or the cabbie decides he might find a richer fare. Well not this time! The cab driver takes the scenic route and is about half-way when the interior of the car is lit up with blue flashes. At first, I feel the familiar panic as the cabbie pulls over but then I realize that neither my friend or I are driving. Woo Hoo! One of Denver's finest walks up to the car and asks the cabbie if he had been drinking. The cabbie denies it (of course) and is taken outside to perform the super-fun roadside sobriety test. At this point, I can't help laughing...

"Of all the cabs we get the drunk one? Damn it. What are we going to do?"
"How about, if he arrests the cabbie we walk to that strip club about a block down the road."
"Oh, that is a great plan."
"Dude we don't have to pay the fare if the cabbie is drunk, right?"
"Naw, they can't make us pay that since I could have drove drunk for free. We can use it for the cover charge and a couple drinks."
"Oh hell yeah!"

Unfortunately the officer walks the cabbie back to the car and says when he pulled him over he smelled a strong odor of alcohol. "Oh Officer that's us!" (I'm a helper!) The officer ignores my statement of fact and lets the cabbie go. Ahhhh...

Anyways, it was a great time and I'm looking forward to next year when I hopefully will remember to wear a costume. Nothing too obnoxious, maybe just a big afro wig (yellow, orange, or red), some clown shoes, and BIGGER pretzels!

The Grind

Yeah, OK, so it is that time of year again. The flash ads have begun sprouting up everywhere on the Internet, replacing the Singles ads on Facebook...

Tangent: Why do all the woman on these ads have really HUGE breasts? Do they think I'm stupid or something? I know those woman are just models with implants and aren't registered on the sites. Geez...oh snap, did I click that ad. Hmm, ok, I'll sign up. Ahhh, dammit!

...um, er, so anyways, I've recently picked up a new gaming rig and downloaded all the latest games. Thanks, EB! (obscure reference that only other avanaughts should recognize).

Tangent: It is soooooo nice to be able to go out and buy a bunch of games whenever I want. Some people think a job is for paying the mortgage/car lease/house crap, but NOOOOOO! A job is for paying for fun shit. Otherwise I don't see the point in having a job since it takes time away from having fun and isn't that whole point anyways? Oh god, if the whole point is to just make money to pay for boring shit (i.e. mortgage, car lease, house crap, etc.) then the whole meaning of life just sucks ass! I'd rather go to Somalia and join the pirate fleets, pillaging all the stupid transport ships carrying cars and house crap for the world markets. Aye, make'em walk the plank, maties! Hmmm, I digress...

The games are fun for the first couple of days and then the GRIND (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grind_(gaming) )sets in. The Grind is what differentiates the casual gamer from the hard-core gamer. The Grind is the big giant waste of time that is required of all MMOs. The Grind is also why I usually stop playing a game. Ever since Everquest, the Grind has become an essential part of the genre. Why? I don't freaking know. Why can't the game be about the adventure and NOT the level progression? I don't care to get stronger armour so I can fight stronger NPCs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-player_character), which are the same NPCs I fought a level or two ago, but with different hair color and stronger armor. Freaking booooooooooring!

Why not create a MMO that does NOT have leveling? How about having no increases in character skills, levels, or attributes? You get what you are dealt with at the beginning and that is that (kind of like reality). Your skill progression is determined by the skill in which you, the dumb ass who forked over $50 for the game and $15/month service charge, learns to play the game over time. Period. Skill? WTF is that? Well, instead of clicking the same 3 buttons for combat, include a wide range of actions that can have different results in different circumstances. Doesn't that sound like more fun? Say if you try to carve up a troll with a butcher knife BUT the troll is coming at you with some crazy ass fireballs. Maybe you should put up a shield and grab a tankard of ale to douse them with, then impale the troll with your pocket knife. Then, you can finish the ale while roasting marshmallows over the smouldering troll, you know, to help you heal the damage from the troll's fireballs. The game then becomes about having FUN and game designers would need to focus on the story (i.e. plot, etc.) instead of the numbers game. Imagine that!

Since the MMOs are supposed to get people addicted and willing to pay the monthly fee for years, all the current games have the same leveling structure. Because of this, I've burnt through a few games already (Conan, Warhammer, Tabula Rasa) with a fourth on its way...Aion. At this rate I should be back outside (and in reality) before the snow begins to fall and the ski resorts re-open! Yea!

Settling In

After almost 5 months of living homeless, I have finally moved into an apartment.



I can't believe all the shit that I had in the storage shed. The amount of crap that I keep hauling from one place to another is simple ridiculous.



Insurance? For what, my piles of junk.



Books? Why the hell is there a big, super heavy box containing a full set of the World Book encyclopedia? I can't even guess the last time I used an actual book to reference something. Hell, I don't even remember when I actually kept a phone book around. Do people still use these reference materials? Damn, if it isn't online then it never existed. Maybe these books are for when the internet goes down, god forbid. Oh wait, I have backups...Comcast, Sprint Broadband, and the iPhone's AT&T Cell Data Plan. Maybe I don't need all these methods of getting online...



Anyways back to all those freaking books...maybe I should have a good old fashioned Farenheit 451 bonfire. Hmm, could be a reason to have a party. "Come on over, have a few drinks, and roast some marshmallows over the burning pile of books!" Yeah, no.

Love in Calgary

Today I checked into a low budget motel since I wanted to save some money. The motel looked ok from the street but that was an elaborate facade. Once I entered the room I knew what I had been duped. There was stains on all the chairs, inviting one to have a seat and relax. The numerous cracks on all the walls gave the room a cave-like atmosphere, which was very cozy compared to the pouring rain outside.

Anyways, after popping a PBR and turning the TV to a Family Guy marathon, I reclined on the bed and felt at home. That was until I heard the bed banging upstairs. Oh well, it only lasted for a few minutes. No worries. Then I hear a lot of movement in the room above and then the door opens and closes. I didn't pay much attention since Brian was in turmoil watching Lois's boobs grow because she was trying to ween Stewie off of breast milk. This show is so stupid that it is funny. Later, after Lois's boobs go back to normal I hear the upstairs door open and close, then there is a lot of movement around the room. Finally, after another 10 minutes I hear the bed banging again. I think, hmmm, someone must have taken a dose or two of Viagra. I decide to head out for a walk after the credits roll on the TV. When I finally return after maybe 30 minutes, all is quiet and now Quagmire is in love with Peter's maid for the week. I know how this is going to end and I'm sure it will offend some group or another. So by the time the show starts getting offensive (and good) I hear the upstairs door open and close again. I'm thinking, that they really like to go outside, maybe for a smoke or something.

So then after 15 minutes I hear the bed banging again. WTF? OH, yeah, I finally got it...my motel room is downstairs from a prostitute. Great, time for a few more PBRs. This gets me thinking, after the PBRs of course, but what would it be like to be a prostitute. I did catch a glimpse of her once from outside, she's probably early thirties but looks 60, possibly due to heavy drug use. So each day, she gets up in a rat-hole motel room and waits for the phone to ring. The Johns start arriving early in the morning (I found this out the next morning) and she then "entertains" these men for the rest of the day. I'd guess around 10-20 each day. I'm sure she takes a day off now and again but most days are probably spent in the motel room. I can only imagine how destructive this lifestyle is to her mental and physical state. Although I'd guess that some amount of drug use helps keep the reality of her life from her.

Yeah, so my time in Calgary was kind of depressing. I was very happy to head into Banff NP the next day. Maybe I should stick with camping in the forests and not venture into the cities very often.

Job Security

I remember the first time I worked at a company that had to lay people off. It was back in the pre-dot com bust era but you could see the writing on the wall. The day that it happened and I watched good people walk out the door I remember thinking I NEVER want that to happen to me. However, I was lazy and didn't actively seek another job and was finally laid off during round 4 of the company's lay offs. When it happened I was in shock and my self-esteem plummeted to an all-time low. I felt so useless, like everything I had ever done at the company had been a failure. It wasn't until after I had got a new job that I didn't feel useless anymore. I know, I know, it is just a job, but...I think that silly work ethic gets in the way sometimes.

Why am I thinking about this again? Well, my current company has laid off some folks again. I think this is the 5th or 6th time in the past 18 months that they have let people go. This time they laid off a few people that I know, one is even a friend. Luckily my friend didn't have any kids or family to support. I remember when I was a kid (13-14 yrs old) my Dad got laid off. My parents really insulated my sister and I from it but I could tell there was an elevated level of stress between my parents. My Dad eventually found something that gave him the opportunity to go to work for himself. Funny side note: A week or two later his old company asked him to come back, he refused. Years later, I think he was much happier to have left the company.

I really think that these things work out for the better in the end but knowing that doesn't help when you are in the situation. There is just the dread of not having any real money coming in and still having to pay all your bills. In addition, you suddenly have all this free time in which to ponder your situation.

Sigh...writing is on the wall, again.

Sleepy Time

My nap is over, I can hear the river again. Where I was, I don't know, but I'm back to the hammock, alongside the North Platte River. I look up between the branches of the trees and see a jet, marking its path, temporarily across the sky. Where are they going? Shouldn't I be up there on my way to the next project? No, not today. Today I'm here, in the moment, with no plan. Fish, hike, bike, read, or sleep.

Hmmm...sleepy time.

The YOUAREME Guy

Last night I decided to start my trip a day early by driving up to the Cache La Poudre Scenic river area. The drive up the Poudre Canyon was beautiful and helped to let my mind wander. I stopped at the second campsite I came to since there didn't seem to be that many people camping there. The fee ($17) was pretty hefty but I figured it would be nice to have water and a picnic table as I organized all my gear. After about an hour I had camp set up and everything organized, so I decided to take out my new toy. For a very long time I've wanted to learn how to play the guitar but for various reasons I never tried. So yesterday, as I was getting supplies for my trip I stopped in a music store and bought a cheap beginner's kit. So there I was, sitting in camp going through all the items in this kit but basically not touching the guitar because it looked rather intimidating, when my camping neighbor walks over. This guy is easily 6'6" tall, wearing a Fat Tire baseball cap, carrying a half empty box of wine, drinking out of a wine glass, and staggering just a little. "Hi, don't mind if I come over?" I said, "Of course not!". I'll talk to anyone, especially if they have a good story to tell. I quickly learn that not only does this guy have a story to tell but he also needs to tell it, so I listen.


"I have my own business installing window treatments but it has been really hard lately. The last 3 months of last year I did 40k in sales but the past 3 months of this year I've done $200. I keep sending out resumes looking for work but no one is hiring. There is one company that has some work but they are in South Carolina and I live in Ft. Collins. I don't know what to do but since I'm going to get divorced from my wife I'll probably take the job and move. I've never been to the east coast but I like to kayak and surf."

There is a lot there but I focus on the important issue..."Have you already filed for divorce?"

"Not yet. My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2 but she kicked me out of the house and so I figure we'll probably get divorced." After some lighter conversation, he steers the focus back to his crisis. I then ask a very simple question: "Do you love her?"

"Oh YES! I still love her." Then I'm thinking why are you at a campsite drinking with a stranger when you should be at home, trying to work things out. Of course, he is adamant that he can't go back, so I'm sure he did something he regrets but that just makes the making up much more fun! Right? Well, I try to cheer the guy up and eventually tell him a shortened version of my story. blah, blah, blah...when he stands up and shouts, "YOU ARE ME!". Then he hits me on the arm and sits back down repeating, "You are me, 4 years in the future.". Um, ok, calm down have another drink. "Imagine the odds of meeting like this! Crazy." yeah, craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

After a couple more hits to the shoulder he asks me to hit him hard in the ribs. Huh? "yeah, hit me as hard as you can." No. "Go ahead, do it." I begin to think that I need to end our conversation and call it a night. Ok. "Harder" "No, harder." ...maybe I shouldn't have shared my Vodka with this guy.

Guy, "Hey where are you going?"
"North. Wyoming, Montana, and probably Canada."
"Can I go too?"
What? Um, how do I get out of this situation without any complications? "Sure but I'm leaving early in the morning."
"Great. I'll park my truck and you can drive."
WTF? "Um, you need to drive too since I may have to drive back to Denver if work calls."
"Oh, ok. See ya in the morning."
whew...
This morning I got up and quietly drove away. I felt bad but the guy was a little strange and had some anger issues. While I wish I could help him, the best thing for him would be to either go back home and work things out or head to South Carolina, not freak me out for the next few days in remote areas of Wyoming. Yeah, I still feel bad about it.

As I was driving away I thought about when I was in a similar situation and if everything had worked out for the best. My answer came almost immediately and I laughed to myself when I thought of all the things I wouldn't have been able to experience and all the new friends I wouldn't have taken the time to meet.

If the YOUAREME guy reads this post someday I just want to say it was good talking to you and I hope your difficulties quickly work themselves out.